Sunday, October 16, 2011

Outdoor tour


The delays, in the end, it's really 'blurghhhh...malas nak layan', especially when it's already the third delay.

Apai's 7th week in Iraq.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Hospital Putrajaya

People, never ever miss your appointment at Hospital Putrajaya because once you do, it may take you forever to reschedule over the phone. I called on Thursday, diorang cakap diorang busy, sruh call esok petang, I called esok petang, diorang meeting..like really? Then called today, it took nearly 10 minutes to reach the person in charge. And if you are expecting the person in charge ada belas kasihan kat anda, jangan haraplah, diorang akan bagi another appointment yang jarak dia 6 bulan without even first asking how is your current condition. Even if you say that your condition is not that good, diorang akan cakap "tapi kita pun ramai lagi pesakit lain", again without asking how bad is that not good. People always say kita kena memahami mereka yang kerja hospital kerajaan ni, diorang terlalu ramai pesakit, if yes pun reschedulelah based on the severity of the pateient, not really of kekosongan slot yang ada, at least asklah the condition of the patient, tunjukkanlah sedikit keperihatinan.  The government should seriously do something about this, they really need to increase the no of doctors, so that more slot can be open, and doctors tak patut complain ok sebab dulu masa interview scholorship, mesti ramai yang cakap nak berbakti kepada masyarakat dan negara, nak membantu orang susah..soooo tunaikanlah segala janji2 manis tu.

Actually, I had already been to a few check ups at a private medical centre, it's just that, my mom wanted to get a second opinion from a public hospital and I really wanted to experience the government hospital services first hand, like is it really that bad as people say? So I'm just going to share some of my experiences and some things that I observed while I was a patient at Klinik Kesihatan Putrajaya and Hospital Putrajaya:

1) Di Klinik Kesihatan Putrajaya, lepas amek no. nak jumpe GP memang lama gler kena tunggu. Kesian sangat, not for melah, I'll do fine with a good book, tapi kepada yang anak kecil dan orang-orang dan mereka yang berkerusi roda.

2) The first doctor I met was quite attentive and funny, I like him a lot. The second doctor that I met for my medical check up untuk lantikan tu, tak check pun certain mende, simply tick je, dia tak check mata, dia tak check telinga, dia tak check nerve system by doing the test ketuk2 tu kan, tapi tick smuanya ok. And when  I said I felt uncomfortable at the left side of my lower abdomen, dia cakap tu maybe tu angin je. Kecewa betul.

3) Doktor Pakar dia ok tapi dia tak nak terima patient ramai2. Kesian ade this one mak cik tgh sakit sgt telinga dia tapi doctor tak nak jumpe, pastu orang yang jaga kaunter tu cakap, 'Kalo makcik tak tahan sangat, mak cik boleh pergi emergency room sbb kitorg tak de appoitment dalam masa terdekat untuk jmpe doctor'' Sedih sangat! Kesian pak cik dan mak cik tu, even mak cik tu nangis pun, nurse yang jaga kaunter tu wat dunno je dan wat-wat busy. Ei sangat tak berperikemanusian. Kesian mak cik dan pak cik, datang jauh2 sebab sakit tapi dilayan macam tu. Tak boleh terima betul. Mmbencikan betul orang yang jaga kaunter tu, orang tua kot, bagi jelah jumpe doctor.

4) Pastu jmpe audiologist, dia baik tapi I think dia lack pengetahuan. Dia recommended laser treatment for my tinnitus sedangkan tinnitus ni boleh je dibaikkan dengan cara lain, I know because I did my own research. And when I asked about this one treatment I read on the net, dia cakap dia tak pernah tau pun treatment tu..sedangkan it is a really common treatment for tinnitus..trus down dah tak nak percaya hospital kerajaan dah.

6) And gap from one appointment from another appointment is 4 months. My appointments at the private medical centre were every two weeks which then went to once a month. When the doctor was quite sure that I can stop my medication and all I need was enough rest, doctor pun tak schedule anymore appointments dah. Did I think the frequent appointments were necessary? Not really, but I like seeing my doctor :)

7) Then the rescheduling as cerita di atas. After I hang up the phone, well she was the one who hang up first, I made a silent prayer thay may she feels what I was feeling right now and what the mak cik di atas was feeling, may her mother or daughter miss an appointment and bila dia nak reschedule dia akan dilayan dengan cara yang sama, haaa baru dia tahu, baru dia tahu betapa sedih, kecewa dan sakitnya hati bila organisasi yang kita percaya akan jaga kita, boleh anggap kesihatan diri kita ni or of our loved ones tak berharga. But of course I continued praying that nothing bad will happen to her mother and daughterlah if she did face the situation.

If there is anything to change at the gov hospital definitely the act of 'I dont care, ko yang sakit bukan aku' di kalangan kakitangannya.

Friday, September 9, 2011

2010/2011

So it has been a year since I came back from the States, have been jumping around figuring out what I wanted to do. I must say, time flies so fast, the journey has been rewarding despite the fact I'm still jobless and studyless at the moment ;)

Yes, I've resign my post as an RA and decided to not pursue my PhD at UM, I'm half disappointed and half 'wowed' by myself. Disappointed that I had to leave my research halfway but wowed that I was brave enough to make that decision. Why you may asked,I'm not sure either, I dont know why I dont want to pursue my PhD now despite being all excited at the beginning. Maybe because suddenly I realize that..I'm not ready or I don't like the idea I'm continuing locally or I cant grasp the significance of my research or I'm not comfortable with the system in the lab or with the people I'm working with or I'm too paranoid with nematode but definitely not because of sakit seketika tu. I've lost my motivation for some reasons, but not at all I feel incapable of doing it, I just dont want it at the moment. I'm glad I tried to do it though, now I know when, what, how, where,why I want to do my PhD, IF I ever decide to do it again.

An important lesson I've learned from this pass whole year is that SOMETIMES changing your attitude is not really the solution, because at times, it is not your attitude, is it really something else...

Today we come across an individual who behaves like an automaton, who does not know or understand himself, and the only person he knows is the person that he is suppose to be, whose meaningless chatter has replaced communicative speech , whose synthetic smile has replaced genuine laughter, and whose sense of dull despair has taken place of genuine pain. Two statements may be said concerning this individual. One is that he suffers from defect of spontaneity  and individuality, which may seem to be incurable. At the same time, it may be said of him he does not differ essentially from the millions of the rest of us who walk upon this earth. 
Erich Fromm

And another valuable lesson learn is: you may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try. TRUE! But if you want to start a career a.s.a.p, you dont have all the time in the worldlah to try everything, choose wisely of chances that are worth trying.

And, prayers..well everyone already know this..they do wonders! :)

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

2 weeks of doing nothing :)

I think I have a problem, I'm okay with being thirsty. Weird.
Malas gler nak update blog. Normal.

Life is full of surprises. 

Anyways, semalam pergi wat medical check-up di Klinik Kesihatan Putrajaya Persint 9, received great services from every single staff. Tak faham where all the complains are coming from, and the waiting time is not that long pun, maybe because I'm only doing a medical check-up and not actually seeing a MO or a doctor, but will need to next Tuesday with yesterday test results. We'll see how next week goes.

Procedure Room 21 was in the same area as Klinik Kesihatan Ibu dan Anak (I believe that area is called that, hehe), I think it's so cute that the fathers were accompanying the mothers for their baby/child check-up. I saw a father in an army formal uniform widely smiling as his small baby boy came out form the injection room with the mother, crying softly. He took the baby from the mother, kissed him and said 'Hero anak ayah ni, tak nangis kena inject kan..' and put him snugly in his  stroller. Comel sangat the scene maybe because the father was in uniform ;) and there were so many other cute fathers, some were readings to their babies, some were looking over their small child playing some games on ipad, some were carrying their babies while their child happily playing around with their chain matrix cards. It's great when we can opt  to not make our work our priority at some time during working hours, because from 8-5 you're not only an employee, you're still a son, a daughter, a father, a mother, a sister, a brother with responsibilities.

Were you ever sick at school and your mother cannot come to your aid because of work..? Sedihkan. And I'm sure the mother is ever more heart broken. But what to do, nowadays, the believe is production is more important than family.
If you were a true leader, you would sacrifice yourself for the better of your people, no? Not like sacrifice your life but rather your need to be in power.

Kesian Melayu, menang sorak kampung tergadai.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Salam Hari Raya Aidilfitri

Selamt Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir Batin :)

Perbezaan paling ketara tahun ni: Wan tak wat lemang untuk hari raya sebab Wan sihat tapi Wan dah kurang bertenaga skit. And tahun ni rindu sangat dekat Atok and Tok Ayah. And tahun ni bagi duit raya tapi packet duit raya masih ade lagi beberapa puluh, maka jemputlah datang rumah beraya bg yang mengenali :)


Sunday, July 24, 2011

I'm updating becuase I am bored

Hello peeps!

I'm down with a slight fever and a flu. I'm not taking any meds because I'm not sure which meds I should take, either ones for my so called disease or just over the counter ones, but anyways I might go to the clinic if by tomorrow I am not feeling any better. I blame the field trip to Terengganu and Pahang earlier last week that was done on the hottest week ever. We were sampling from 9 am till 9 pm. Penat. However, the field trip was quite fun, the after math of the field trip is not funlah tapi *running nose*

The last two weeks have been super stressful. Firstly, because of the PTDnya exam, the news to sit for the exam could have not come on a worse week than it was. It came on the week after my biweekly meeting with my co-supervisor, and on that biweekly meeting I received the most work ever compare to previous meetings which mean the week after kerja memang banyak baru nak start. Adding to that was another meeting with MOSTI people. So yeah 2 minggu tido tak lena memikirkan tido tanpa mengulang kaji pelajaran untuk exam tersebut..huahua. Some might get the privileged to have a day off on Friday to study but certainly not us since Friday is lab meeting day. Nasib baik exam was not as hard I thought it would be, wat penat je risau 2 minggu. Right after the exam straight away went to Malaysia-Liverpoolnya game, and I was actually half awake during the game sebab the night before stay up untuk study kan :) 3-6, it was entertaining. During the game I was like, kesiannya pemain-pemain Liverpool ni kena pergi on tour and entertain their fans, macam artist on tour for concert. And Apai was like 'Berjuta-juta kot sayang diorang kena bayar, tak perlu kesian.'

And secondly, mestilah about all those new assignments that need to be done and all the methods that need to be tested. Being underpaid ni, susah jugaklah nak wat kerja dengna rajinnya, hehe. but it is not their fault really, we are the one who should have registered ourselves as a  student and obtain our own scholarship. Once I got all my methodology to work - tissue culture, DNA extraction, RNA extraction and proteomics- to actually produce bands and spots that I want, then I'll register myself. I'm just glad I like what I am doing now despite the fact that I am being under paid for a year or so but in the long, if things go as plan, I wouldn't dare to complain. My research and I, we are seriously in a never ending love hate relationship...ahaha..but most of the time I love it :) I usually dont like it when I'm feeling and look unwell, because I cant do much and I feel useless and letting down people, I dont like to let down people, I dont like to let down myself.

And people would ask what would I do if I passed the PTD exam, which I dont have full confidence that I will, anyways..when the result is out, baru fikir, tapi I adelah berangan-angan nak kerja kt Italy kan, huahuahua, well no, it was just a thought, tak berangan-angan dengan lamanya pun, I dont like uncertainties.

And just finish gmail chat dengna Apai about yesterday game! I love the fact that he would always ask me what do I think about the game, although my comments are very amateurish, he is very supportive..hehe. I wish he could be back home before the game this Thursday.

This post is so boring I know. I dont have the mood to post about fun and interesting things because tomorrow is already Monday and Apai is away.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Cause you're the apple to my pie..

...You're the straw to my berry
You're the smoke to my high
And you're the one I wanna marry

Perfect Two - Auburn

Most of the girls I know, how bright they may be or how great the start of their career are, occasionally will say, 'You know, all I really want to be is a housewife/surirumah, taking care of the house, cook, have a wonderful relationship with the husband and be most awesome ever mother..'
I? I'm like most of the girls I know, I think..

Why?

“Dont ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." Howard Thurman

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Once in a blue moon

I have Apai for a month onshore, yeay! And it's during the wedding time plak tu, so yeah no more kesedihan-sedihan di hujung minggu. Hujung minggu jelah, hari minggu macam kurang masa skit untuk rasa rindu.

Anyways, remember what Abraham Lincoln said in the previous post? Well yeah, I learn to not judge people too quickly. From now on, tak nak jadi too much of a drama queen dah ah and unprofessionally post things on the blog plak tu. It's easy to blame others but not yourself no? Aku macam bersyukur aku sedar akan hakikat tersebut, ade orang yang tak sedar-sedar.

During the weekend, I met someone and somehow that someone with just one sentence convince me to no longer have doubts on the path that I already have chosen and started. I miss the time we spent together discussing his crazy philosophy of life. I need to be self-motivated, waiting for this one sentence booster from someone else is tiringlah.

Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat. -F. Scott Fitzgerald

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Why?

Why can't I be in a lab as the one that I was in the States? I dont really miss the exclusiveness of having our own equipments, the technology and the convenience that the lab have to offer, but I do miss the lab group attitude and also the feeling of 'I am safe in this lab'.

Malaysian attitude at times can really made me go 'ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!', well maybe not all but some of the people that I have to deal with everyday. And I'm afraid that one day, I will become like them.WHAT A NIGHTMARE. Patience have it limits. These people are really bringing out the darkest side of me.

But I guess,
I dont like the man. I must get to know him better. - Abraham Lincoln

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Things do get better

At first I think UM hates me because all of the different incidents that happen, but now I think Allah has answered most of my wishes/prayers and UM is more welcoming. Hopefully, it will last long, but if there are bumps here and there again, I am more confident that things do get better :)

Dear Allah, thank you for the blessings. Jadikanlah aku hamba yang lebih bersyukur dan yang akan terus bersyukur. Sometimes I do forget to say Alhamdullilah.


In the end,
"Formal education will make you a living, self-education will make you a fortune."
-Jim Rohn-

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Love

Romantic? You're definitely not one of those type.Still, you have to do nothing special, I fall for you effortlessly because you yourself is special, the way you make me happy by your side without trying too hard is special. Thank you for choosing me to show how special you are.

Thank you for yesterday. Ice cream always taste better with you around :)

And to all, thank you for the prayers for my recovery, feeling much more better, healthier and more positive. Semoga Allah merahmati kalian semua.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Tak Setuju

The only reason that I can accept for a guy to not couple ialah kerana mencari cinta yang diredhai Allah.
All other reason yang diberi lelaki like losing his freedom sebab gf asyik messagelah, asyik merajuklah, asyik ape-apejelah..kehabisan duit sebab selalu kena blanje aweklah and dah hilang masa untuk luangkan masa kawan-kawanlah, that is all just generalization. Because as far I know, even before Apai and I reached the stage of maturity in our relationship, I was just not that kind of gf yang selalu merajuk, yang selalu minta dibelanja, yang selalu dahagakan perhatian, no I was not all of that at all. Even now that I am sick pun I am not that kind of gf. So yeah guys, girls do like to be given attention but not all cannot live without this attention. So stop saying dengan penuh bangganya 'I dont want a gf, because having a gf will ruin my life.' Macam perempuan ni suka memusnahkan hidup seorang lelaki tu plak..uwekkk.

Tapi ingatlah para lelaki,
"Tidak aku tinggalkan fitnah yang lebih berbahaya bagi seorang lelaki daripada (fitnah) wanita" - Hadis Riwayat Bukhari

Starting all over again

I dont think I want to continue  my studies dah at this moment, or maybe I do want to but not in this field. Too much stress, which I refuse to handle even if I can. I've been thinking about it even before I was feeling unwell, the stress was building up, maybe sebab tu sakit tiba-tiba kot, hehe. Doing your PhD is not easy especially when you're still in the phase of  I-need-a-break- after-my-degree. I really wanted the title so bad for my future plans, which is not being an academician or working in the academics. I wanted to do my own research at my own company and then jadi kaya, hehe. I need the credibility that comes along with the title 'Dr.' and I wanted to start early. Now I need to re-plan everything, because you know the stereotype  that people usually associate with being in the science field - kerja banyak dan susah, gaji ciput, lambat nak kaya, well yeah I dont want to go through that, I'm not fit for it - physically and mentally at the moment, I dont even want to push myself to give it a try. I'm done pushing myself. But there is still a part of me telling me that I can survive it. I'm not sure yet whether I just need a month break from my studies or to turn over a new leaf.

And it is hard that I'm keeping my health condition away from my family, everyone is trying to say tak de ape-ape, I've never said this before in any condition that I am, because I believe those who used this phrase is like 'Ek eleh macam besar sangat masalah ko'..but yeah, 'Try to be in my shoe'. It is not just about having the illness but having the illness and trying to continue what I am doing now, it take a lot of strength. And like I said before, I'm done pushing nyself. I need a break.

Apai is not helping either because he is being too positive. He needs to accept the fact that there is a chance that I may not fully recover or that things may get worse in the future. At the moment, the recovery process is slow, but it is just something that I need to get use to. Dont worry people, I'm not really sick, I'm just unwell.

Before this I'm very much aware that one day I'll die, tapi sekarang kesedaran tu amatlah meningkat-ningkat. Takutlah. I dont think I'm ready. Ni kesedaran yang datang bersama being unwell, I'm not diagnose with any fatal disease. Setiap yang berlaku ade hikmahnya, dan hikmah yang terbesar yang datang bersama ujian ini ialah usaha yang meningkat untuk mendekatkan diri padaNya. Bukan sahaja berdoa untuk sembuh sepenuhnya tetapi juga agar diampunkan segala dosa, hidup dan dimatikan dengan iman. Thank you Allah for this reminder, the reminder that I need not only plan my life here on earth but also hereafter.

" Dan aku tidak (menyatakan) diriku bebas (dari kesalahan), kerana sesungguhnya nafsu itu selalu mendorong kepada kejahatan, kecuali nafsu yang diberi rahmat oleh Tuhanku. Sesungguhnya, Tuhanku Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyayang."
- Surah Yusuf. (12): 53 



" Dan bersegeralah kamu mencari keampunan dari Tuhan kamu dan mendapatkan syurga yang luasnya seluas langit dan bumi, yang disediakan bagi orang-orang yang bertaqwa."
- Surah Ali Imran (3): 133 



"... Dan berbekallah kamu, kerana sesungguhnya sebaik-baik bekal adalah taqwa."
- Surah Al-Baqarah (2): 197

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Sihat sebelum sakit, hidup sebelum mati

By the end of the appointment, after explaining about the medication and diet that I have to take, the owh-you-make-me-want to-smile doctor (seriously doctor ni sangat menarik perwatakan dia :)) said - my specialist from now on I guess,

"Yang paling penting Sabrina, saya tak nak awak takut untuk mencuba sesuatu becuase you'll afraid you'll loose your balance, jangan takut mencuba sesuatu, live life as usual, dont be afraid to drive, dont be afraid to do anything, jangan mengambil sikap avoidance, the more you push yourself, the faster the body will adapt"

I'm trying but sometimes it not that easy :(  but I keep reminding myself  that what I'm going through may not be as painful as what are others going through.

Next appointment in 2 weeks time.

Lesson learn: Life can change in a split second. Ingatlah 5 perkara sebelum 5 perkara.

Friday, April 15, 2011

IITA & UNESCO

One day, I hope I'll have the chance to serve Africa, as a scientist or an educator, that is my international ambition.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Tititk-titik hitam di hati

One of the things that Apai keep reminding me, when it come to friends, hate or dislike the thing that he/she does but not to quickly hate/dislike him or her, because as everyone is aware, nobody is perfect. He is not a big fan of the pepatah 'Kerana nila setitik rosak susu sebelanga.' He holds truly to the saying 'Buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih' and believes in second chances. And as a true friend, he continues, if we don't have the courage to talk to him/her personally, then pray that one day he or she will change while in the same time pray that Allah will continue to protect us from bisikan syaitan laknatullah.

With that I am forgiving everyone that has do me wrong and asking everyone to forgive me if I ever spread any hate to you just because of some small stupid things. Sorry, I promise I'll never ever bad mouth anyone again, not to Apai too

Thank you sayang! He is amazing, but in a split second, I tell you, he can be very annoyingggg, hahaha.. annoying in a good way that is :) I miss him, he has been away for two weeks now, but I'm already used to his prompt needs to work offshore

Monday, March 28, 2011

Yoooooo

Yo budak-budak yang grad local pastu kecoh nak cakap 'Eleh budak-budak oversea, balik-balik pun susah nak dapat kerja jugakkkk..'

Well it is not truly our faults, like seriously, if Malaysianya biotech tak se-up kt US and cant offer us jobs, nak wat camneee..well dapat kerja or tak, our undergrad years oversea I must say must have been superbly awesome than if we had continue locally..so yeah since kita sama-sama tak dapat kerja sekarang, tapi at least 4 tahun aku sebelum ni menikmati kehidupan di luar negara, ko ade merase?..aku dah pernah naik second tallest roller-coaster in the world, ko pernah? But then again, 'superbly awesome' is very subjective.

This is an over-reaction post ditujukan kepada semua yang over-obsessed with those who grad oversea yang susah mencari pekerjaan. I can't hold my anger any longer that I feel like if I dont let it go here, most likely I will strangle that person and scream everything that I said above (and more) in that person's face the next time we meet! ahahah. Urghhh, annoying btul. I dont think most of us went there with the hope to easily secure a job after graduation (yes we are all aware with the employment rate in Malaysia especially in our field), our hopes was definitely to use every opportunity that we have to enjoyyyyyy! (and in the mean time of course belajar bersungguh-sungguh, nama pun sponsored student).

Now that I am continuing my studies locally, I can see the pros and cons of doing a bachelor's degree oversea and locally, which I really dont want to discuss it here, I'm sure everyone is aware of what that are. Only those who are too proud to grad oversea or locally, cannot see the benefit of the other.

And about dapat kerja, tak dapat kerja ni, grad oversea or locally, rilex sudah weyh, rezeki Allah yang tentukan.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Never be limited by other people's limited imaginations

Mae Jemison is who I google when I feel like I need a living proof of someone who had actually achieved her dream and more than that. Read, HER.
Is easy to relate to her becuase when I was young I was so sure that I wanted to be an astronaut and worked for NASA! Years after I was so sure that I wanted to be a 'Plant Scientist' and save the world from world hunger. But the problem is, when I started learning Physics, I cant relate myself to it! I had a though time to understand all the theories in Physics, Physics theories always make me go 'huh?'. So yeah, I totally dropped the idea of being an astronaut and focus on the earlier hope. But I still find space exploration as interesting. I wish I was already born and was 6 years old in 1969 to witness and understand the significance of one of the awesome-est moment ever in human history, The First Person on the Moon. To wish that I was Neil Armstrong himself, would be a little too much wouldn't it? ;)

Now that I'm continuing my studies in the field of Plant Pathology focusing on nematode, I realize that I dont quite have what it takes to be a researcher! Ahahaha. Because I'm super paranoid! Even EtBr scares the hell out of me, parasites even more!I seriously thought I have what it takes to be anything that I wanted to be, but once I am actually doing it for real and not just imagining everything in my head, the reality hits, and reality is never better than expectations! ahaha.  I cant imagine me being a Virologist or an Astronaut, the other two that I wish to be. If I was to be an astronaut, I think that there will be a big chance that I may not board the spaceship when the time comes, I'm not really a risk taker. I'm not sure how I survived Cedar Point and riding every single ride! ahaha. But Cedar Point was a great trip :)

       A person is missing! Of course he is the one who is taking the pic and saying OMG in the video below ;)

video
Our video riding Top Thrill Dragster

I'm working on being not too paranoid with the nematodes, it is plant parasite anyways! Just like I convinced myself that I will not fall out from the roller coaster! Ahahah.Gosh Sabrina stop panicking. And just like the roller coaster, I had lots of support from friends on the spot and friends far away! Me and roller coaster, it is a funny thing, really. So yeah dear friends, lend me your shoulder to cry on when things get rough okayyy. Motivate me, don't let me quit.

So yeah, Mae Jemison is who I google when I feel like I need a living proof of someone who had actually achieved her dream and more than that.

Never be limited by other people's limited imaginations...If you adopt their attitudes, then the possibility won't exist because you'll have already shut it out ... You can hear other people's wisdom, but you've got to re-evaluate the world for yourself. 
Mea Jemison
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Amazingly, a week has past since I drafted this post and I'm actually more motivated than ever to continue my studies. So yeah, self-confidence shoot up high after letting out all the insecurities here.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Down, down with the Crown

Tunisia, Egypt, Bahrain, Libya, and Yemen.

Their youth revolutionaries are truly inspiring. I know this is quite old news, but I would like to share it with my fellow readers, stumbled upon it as I was reading a friend's blog.

Subtitled Video of Wael Ghonim's Emotional TV interview (part 5 got me into tears, but hey I cry to a lot of things)

Terdetik di hati bertanya 'Sebagai belia negara, apa yang telah aku sumbangkan kepada negara, tidak pun apa yang telah aku sumbangkan kepada masyarakat sekitarku?'  Nothing really.

Kerajaan hantar luar negara, 
  • asyik merungut elaun tak cukup. Tak sedar diberi peluang belajar luar negara, dibelanjakan lebih setengah juta ringgit (cukup untuk beli sequencer satu) dalam masa 5 tahun, aku sepaptutnya bersyukur.  Ape yang tak cukupnya shopping, travel segala bagai boleh plak.
  • status asyik nak homesick je, rindu kekasih hatilah, meyumpah seranah subject susahlah (yang last ni aku tak pernah buatlah, sebab ilmu, tak baik menghinanya)
  • semua keputusan sponsor buat semua tak betul, ahahaha, teruk betul, tapi kadang-kadang memang macam tu :D
  • tapi sampai bab belajar aku taklah sepenuhnya mengabaikannya
Jika dibenarkan putar waktu, pasti ingin menyumbangkan lebih sebagai duta kecil Malaysia di luar negara. Kepada mereka yang telah menjalani hidup di perantauan dengan jayanya dan penuh dengan aktiviti-aktibiti suka rela, mewakili universiti dalam berbagai-bagai program sambil mengharumkan nama Malaysia, tahniah!

I wish my four years at the States was more like that

A classic:
Ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country. 
John. F. Kennedy

Memaafkan dan berlapang dada

I just realized that the friend that I may have hurt the most was the friend that had never made me question her friendship or has been the least selfish-ish friend ever.

I did try to forget a lot of things that made me feel, not betrayed, just 'how could you..?' but in a sense that is acceptable, you know, things that if those who were not in our shoe would just say, 'rilex ah' but those things also made you look at that person in a totally different way? (Wow that is long for a description), but those things just keep popping into my mind. I've forgive really, and I do realize that no one is perfect including me, but I guess I'm just normal, and a scar will always remain a scar, ke Maderma REALLY works?

"Dan hendaklah mereka memaafkan dan berlapang dada. Apakah kamu tidak ingin bahwa Allah mengampunimu?" (an-Nur : 21)

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Iya, hidup hanya sekali

To those who chose to have fun, in disgusting ways , and then selamba je cakap 'Hidup hanya sekali je babe, kenalah enjoyyyyy'

Well, yes dear, you live only once. Iya, hidup memang sekali je. So, you may want to live it the right way that one time you live. Why? Because you dont know when you'll die! Kalo mati sebelum sempat bertaubat, camne? Yakinkah kita amalam kita mencukupi untuk bau syurga sekiranya kita mati sesaat selepas ini? Yakinkah Nabi Muhammad s.a.w akan memberikan syafaatnya kepada kita kelak? Anyways, I do believe cara hidup Islam itulah paling indah, I have a perfect example of someone and I'm glad that we crossed path. Have you even tried to live your life as beautiful as the Islamic teachings to even say Islam way of life is boring? Hurmm.

Sekiranya merasakan rela mengorbankan diri sendiri untuk berada di nereka diseksa beribu tahunnya demi menikmati nikmat dunia yang sementara ini,*sigh* I wont say 'silakan'.

Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang kufur ingkar kepada ayat-ayat keterangan Kami, Kami akan membakar mereka dalam api Neraka. Tiap-tiap kali kulit mereka masak hangus, Kami gantikan untuk mereka kulit yang lain supaya mereka dapat merasa azab sengsara itu dan (ingatlah) sesungguhnya Allah adalah Maha Kuasa, lagi Maha Bijaksana.
An Nisa-56
Sanggup ke?
 

And about this hidayah matter. People would say, 'Owh belum dapat hidayah lagi'. I think you may received the hidayah but you just dont want to accept it. I know, becuase Allah has open up my heart a few times to completely cover my aurat, I can feel that my heart was touched to do it, it is just me that seems reluctant to embrace it, pushing it away. Godaan fesyen semasa, demmit.Harus meningkat tahap keimanan.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

127 hours

So after the so much status on FB of dear friends recommending 127 hours and also after James Franco won Best Actor at the Academy Awards, finally watched 127 hours yesterday! I'm bad at reviewing movies, so I wont but I do want to share what I loser I was becuase I totally close my eyes during the most crucial part ever of the movie - the stomach-turning gruesome surreal scene of Aron Ralston' effort in cutting his hand off!! And I regret that I had. Will be waiting for the DVD rip to watch the movie again.

I miss hiking, I miss nature.


People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light within.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross - Kubler-Ross model, 5 stages of grief.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Long story make short

Wow it has been a while since I updated anything here. Anyways, I've resigned from my job to further my studies at UM. So from an RO, I'm now an RA, hopefully in 5 years time i'll be done with my PhD and settle down.
Common question people would ask is, 'Kenapa tak sambung belajar oversea?'. I would usually just say 'Owh I dont think I want to be thousand miles away from my bf'. Although the truth is, malas weyh nak study GRE, cari supervisor semua tu, or write up a proposal semua tu kan. If admission is as easy as undergrad's, then oklah. I dont mind studying GRE actually, to contact a supervisor pun, contact through email pun kannn, just try email-ing EVERYONE :D To come up with a research topic and write up a proposal, okay that may take me monthssss, ahaha. But in the end, 'nak seribu daya, tak nak seribu dalih.'
I guess this grace period of being a RA, works great with my ke-blur-an dalam mengapplykan diri as a grad student. Currently, I disuap-suap with all my research materials for my proposal, making things a little bit simpler. Since I'm jumping from tissue culture to proteomics, I AM a little bit loss. Hopefully in this 6 months time, I'll be registered as a student, co-write a paper in a journal, to fulfill the requirement of my future scholar (I hope), if not terpaksalah cari penaja baru, yang kurang sikit permintaan KPI dia, maka hidup pun akan kurang stress, tapi kurang productive jugaklah maknanya.

6 months that is all the time I have. I really cant change my habit of procrastinating though.

After giving a long thought, I've decided if I want to spent my life doing research than why must I wait to obtain a higher degree. Time is not a luxury I can waste. Wait, did I just not said I really cant change my habit of procrastinating though?!

I really do envy those who know what they want in life and are very motivated to achieve them. I should learn a thing or two from them.I should have focus and applied grad school during my final year! I'm just glad that my final CGPA met the cut off to pursue my PhD straight away, tapi tulah I need to co-write a paper dulu.


There is a strong part of me that says I really want to be an event planner - be it a symposium ke, wedding ke, exhibition ke, anything that involves planning an event that does not really have to be beneficial but definitely not morally destructivelah tapi ..high tea for the PM ke :)

Owh well, one can dream.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

I will not be another Thomas Wilson

Up until now, everytime I wished an easy, relaxing life, I remembered back what happen to Thomas Wilson. An idle life planned early will only end tragically. The more I live my life doing nothing, the tougher life gets. Because life is never meant to be lived idle-ly. Everyone has their own destiny. We just have to figured it out. And on the search of finding that destiny,  the alchemist said, "Every search begins with beginner's luck. And every search ends with the victor's being severely tested."

I want to have a goal in life while living in the moment, therefore if I am being severely tested in reaching that goal, life is still enjoyed and hopefully I have no regrets if I were to die. That is better than not being severely tested but die in vain, just like Thomas Wilson in The Lotus Eater. But then again, it is a personal choice, just as a personal choice as to when to get married and why.

S to the T to the U to the P.I.D

Most if not all M.B Selangor's governing decisions.

Why? Read the papers their readers, have I not stated a million time I cant write about my opinions?! Not that I have a court order saying that I cant....eh wait I do :p

*Ok Sabrina sila berhenti berangan nk jadi orang berkuasa di alam blogger ini*

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I shall be telling this with a sigh

I have had a hard time trying to sleep a few days now; thinking, trying to figure out how to make the best of each opportunities that came by. I've done solat istikharah and the signs are different from what the heart thinks is best for her owner.

The boy asked the alchemist, "Why dont people hearts tell them to continue to follow their dreams?" . "Because that is what makes the heart suffer most, and heart dont like to suffer"

Now, is syaitan playing with the heart or the omens?

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Just saying

Stealing or trying to make someone else bf fall for you consciously (dengan niat that is) is like being an ISO certified bitchlah. Mengoda bf orang sehingga dia tergoda, you're definitely the one at fault not less but just as much as the bf or even more to be blame at. To blame the man pun, he can never really fully understand how hurt a women can feel, but you know exactly how it will feel, dont you? Yeah what a bitch you are. Dan rakan-rakan yang menyokong usaha tersebut pun tergolong dalam golongan yang sama. It doesn't matter whatever reason you give to make that act of yours not sinful sesama wanita, but the truth is you can never do anything more hurtful than that to another women. If you dont mind being label that then fine. Just remember what goes around, comes around. You may get the man but you may lose something more valuable than him in the end.

Whatever it is, based on true stories or not this post is, we cant really just judge a person by a single event. I use to screw up life of those who screwed mine or of my close friends; I used to be a dramaqueen, a great one that is. But slowly I changed, realizing that I gain nothing from that except hurting my feelings even more and turning myself into a dreadful person. I learned to forgive people and forgive myself too and just enjoy life with those who really care about me; letting those who hate me for what ever reason that is to slowly fade away from my thoughts and eventually my life. With that said, to all who might have met the kind of bitch as stated above, just let that girl be, if you think your man is worth fighting for than fight in a charming way to win his heart back, dont let yourself be a bitch too, you might be satisfied in the short run, but in the long run, you will only hurt yourself even more.

The phrase, love is blind, is just so lame.Yeah, I wont encourage a friend to try someone else bf by saying 'it is better to try and being rejected than not to try and continue wondering about it', will definitely say 'Dont be a bitch babe, cause Karma is a bitch too you know'. Karma is a bitch.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

100th post!

Wow, reading back my previous post, I can't believe that I actually let my relationship define me.  Thank you Peyya and Kak Oja and Far also on the comment. Far I miss you! hehe. But yeah, the fact that I couldn't get in touch with Apai at the time I got the job offer, pretty much made me unsure of myself. But the next day, Apai called from somewhere I'm not sure myself where, and I was a little bit relieved. But I promised myself that I would not let my relationship define me ever again.

Soooo, this is actually a delayed post. I wanted to tell everyone that I was actually excited to start to my new job :D Everything was made easy for me, to Him I am thankful. When I took my JPJ test for my P, there was around 100 people being tested that day and I was the first one! haaaa. Cuak tak cuak. But I guess becuase I actually already passed my P 5 years ago, I was not actually that nervous. And Pegawai JPJ yang test pun walaupun kerek tapi baikkkk :) So I got my P, I bought a car with half the down payment using my own saving.

And now here I am in Senawang! 4 hari sudah bekerja. Staying with Pak Lang and Mak Lang, treated like a princess everyday, anak tunggal 5 hari seminggu :D I promised myself that I would not make my job responsibilities, work problems, or anything job-related public, just to be professional. Nanti kalo kita jumpa-jumpa kita story eh :)

I miss home but I'm surviving, hehe. I miss those I met at BeST Proogramme. Those people I met there are just so special, never have I easily clicked with those I just met. Since I got back here in Malaysia, I met really wonderful people, from my driving school up to the BeST Programme and now also at the work place. I've never felt so blessed to be surrounded with people that make me happy to be where I am to be. Maybe becuase I changed too I guess. I'll cherished my momeries at BeST, short but definitely sweet. All the best to all the participants, I'm quite sure everyone will be somebody big one day, they have that 'it' thing that some bright people may lack.
Zack & Nadiah
5/8 of Pecah Mental Group. Everyone should meet Nazreen! He is super hilarious I tell you
The guys! My morning people.
Audi, Ezwan and Ija

BeST Programme actually open up my view on this field of Biotechnology. I dont know how to express it in words, there is just this feeling of positiveness in Biotechnology. This programme has actually  inspired me to actually start up my own company one day. Inspired jelah, hehe, akan wat betul2 ke tak, we'll see what the future has to hold :)

My only real dream in life was to fly oversea, now that is achieved, I need a new dream to be focus on. Maybe kerjalah dulu 2 tahun or I might take up an assitantship offer by a local U to pursue my Ph.D and then plan my business strategy. While still waiting for project abstracts from the university, I want to focus on my work right now. Excited to pin up related info on the company's research on my cubicle dashboard! Barulah macam Researcher berwawasan ;)