Friday, September 9, 2011


So it has been a year since I came back from the States, have been jumping around figuring out what I wanted to do. I must say, time flies so fast, the journey has been rewarding despite the fact I'm still jobless and studyless at the moment ;)

Yes, I've resign my post as an RA and decided to not pursue my PhD at UM, I'm half disappointed and half 'wowed' by myself. Disappointed that I had to leave my research halfway but wowed that I was brave enough to make that decision. Why you may asked,I'm not sure either, I dont know why I dont want to pursue my PhD now despite being all excited at the beginning. Maybe because suddenly I realize that..I'm not ready or I don't like the idea I'm continuing locally or I cant grasp the significance of my research or I'm not comfortable with the system in the lab or with the people I'm working with or I'm too paranoid with nematode but definitely not because of sakit seketika tu. I've lost my motivation for some reasons, but not at all I feel incapable of doing it, I just dont want it at the moment. I'm glad I tried to do it though, now I know when, what, how, where,why I want to do my PhD, IF I ever decide to do it again.

An important lesson I've learned from this pass whole year is that SOMETIMES changing your attitude is not really the solution, because at times, it is not your attitude, is it really something else...

Today we come across an individual who behaves like an automaton, who does not know or understand himself, and the only person he knows is the person that he is suppose to be, whose meaningless chatter has replaced communicative speech , whose synthetic smile has replaced genuine laughter, and whose sense of dull despair has taken place of genuine pain. Two statements may be said concerning this individual. One is that he suffers from defect of spontaneity  and individuality, which may seem to be incurable. At the same time, it may be said of him he does not differ essentially from the millions of the rest of us who walk upon this earth. 
Erich Fromm

And another valuable lesson learn is: you may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try. TRUE! But if you want to start a career a.s.a.p, you dont have all the time in the worldlah to try everything, choose wisely of chances that are worth trying.

And, prayers..well everyone already know this..they do wonders! :)

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