Time shared

As we look through options that we have for the wedding

Tolong I pilih mana satu yang lebih okayy, I tak taulah *Menunjukkan beberapa pilihan yang telah dishort-listed oleh diri sendiri kepada dia*

I rasa..yang ni *Menujukkan ke salah satu pilihan dalam masa hanya beberapa saat*

Pasti ke?

You dah pilih yang mana satu you nak kan?

Hihi :))

_________________________________________________________________________________

90 days to go

Apam balik

Once when I was young, well not that young, standard 5 maybe, saya merajuk dan tak nak buka puasa, cause my dad forget to buy me apam balik from the bazar ramadhan. I’m not sure how the merajuk went or if I cried or not, all I remembered was that I felt really sad and disappointed, it might have been the only single time that dad had disappointed me in terms of getting me stuff. That event had affected dad so much, that even after 15 years, every Friday he never fails to bring home apam balik from the pasar malam. Every single Friday, each Friday.  Mom wouldn’t even bother to call anybody to the dining table for the apam balik, except for me. She would either call out from the living room or knock on my door ‘Bina, papa beli apam balik, panas lagi..’

Have had lots of sedu sedan moments lately.

Say it again for me

Today I lost my meds. I usually would have it at the office but due to the long weekend, brought it home and misplaced it; cause I have a tendency to place things at a place I think will be easily remembered but then will have a hard time, like a really hard time in remembering where would that easy-to-remember-place be. I’m seriously considering having a book to write down where are all these easy-to-remember place be and what items are kept there, hopefully I won’t misplaced the booklah.

With the scheduled appointments to the doctors, are you sure you want to be with me, married?

You’ve been so strong going through everything alone, I want to be there, I want us to be strong together.

100 days to go.

Background music: Say it again, Marie Digby.

It's all from within

For some, wedding planning can be a really daunting task. As for I, I no longer see wedding planning as a stressful fixation, it just hit me one day that no matter how a bride’s wedding reception turn out to be, it shouldn’t take away, not even a bit of happiness from the fact that she is now married. So just let it be that you don’t have that beautiful 1 carat diamond ring, that extravaganza dais, that gorgeous wedding dress, that exquisite reception hall..you already have that perfect man by your side to share your future with, blessings from your family, a halal relationship..how can you not be extremely happy with all that even when it rains on your wedding day? J

Niat yang baik

Is a new year on the Hijri calender. Salam Maal Hijrah to all!

New year, new resolutions. Common but I do enjoy the tradition. 1 Muharram will mark a new self for many Muslims, many wanting to be a better servant, many wanting to perfect their ibadah.

 B: Hidup I penuh irony. Dulu I tak suka Geography. It's the only subject I tak suka :( I tak suka belajar pasal kenapa gempa bumi berlaku, macam mana lava terbentuk, or hafal gunung-gunung kat mana kat peta dunia. Tapi tengok I end up dengan seorang geologist. *sigh*
A: Hidup I tak irony..I suka biology, in fact I sangat suka biology dulu.
B: Aww.

People say, niat yang baik akan dipermudahkan, InsyaAllah. Selamat berazam semua!

LDR Confession

Long distance relationship is really not that hard to get through. All I have to do is remind myself that I may love him but he has no obligation what so ever to make me not feel the distance, I cant expect too much from him as he cant expect too much of me either. So if I do feel like Apai is not doing much while he is away, I will just say 'owh well', stop thinking about it and just let the relationship flow as it wants to. Too many example of colleagues and families that are doing long distance marriage, too many that I feel embarrassed/ashamed to constantly saying out loud I miss a man that is just a boyfriend, while others are very excepting that they need to be apart from their husband for various reasons, inspiring. Sometimes I do question myself as to why do we need to be in a relationship when we would be absolutely okay with just being friends and then get married if we wanted to.

Being the youngest in the group, I learn a lot from my colleagues that have went through my age and dilemma. I see life a little bit different, reality scares me even more now, but in a good way ;)

Confession of a first time 5km run finisher

Being able to finish a run as far as 5 km is quite an accomplishment for me, because I'm no runner or jogger. I have a gym membership at Penn State which where I only went to the the gym once! And I cant even sprint! hehe. 

I only join the run because the manager of Aranda's 5km run team is one of my closest colleagues. He was so confident I could finish the run because I was able to survive a 2 hour intensive futsal training. Yes I did survive, but the next day I was shaking! ahaha. Because I already started on my so-called diet for that week, then I didn't eat before or after the game with the hope that I can get rid of those extra fat faster. But with all the sweating, I loose too much electrolytes and the running expert deduced that that may be the reason as to why my hand was shaking. He recommended bananas and gatorade, and they worked! :) But it was all worth it, we won first place for futsal ;)

Aranda's Women Futsal team. Johan!

With the Veteran's team. Also Johan. Men's tempat ke-3, so tak boleh masuk gambar, hehe

Anyways, back to the run. It wasn't a fun run like most 5 km run are known as, because I was actually competing to finish top 5 to score some points for Aranda. I knew I needed to place but I didn't train that much for the run, I only jog the track once. I was praying that there will be some stamina left from futsal during the day of the run, hehe.  

Despite having supports from friends before the race, there was only me to motivate myself during the run.  I constantly tell myself "do not give up, do not give up, do not give up..keep on running!" And I wasn't running for anyone less but for myself, I needed to prove to myself that I can do it becuase I knew I can do it. It was all me, myself and I moment. Everyone was quite impress that I actually place, since I skip training and when I do train (once) I was the first one to walk and continue walking, heh. But that was not because I wans't able to run but I was just giving up too easily. Yesterday I really surprise myself on how good I am in motivating and pushing myself. 

I felt all brand new after the run, I was all happy, very very happy :) I FINISHED A 5KM RUN AND WAS PLACE AT FORTH!! Who would have expected, I knew I didn't. Even if I won because other runners were not actual runners or something, that's ok because I really really felt that I gave my all for the run :) I was able to give my all at something that I didn't enjoy that much with motivation from myself,yeay me.

After finishing the run, I puke! ahahaha. Felt like the whole world was going round and round..the manager asked me to take a walk, but I just sat down and felt much more better. Then I got I warning from the manager to train before a run especially when I rarely run. And I told him I might not want to enter another run (was still feeling like puking at that moment) and  he was like noooo you must stay in the team and train..haha, very encouraging manager. I didnt knew what my times was, but who cares I just wanted to finish the run and score some points for my team, and I did!

My confession is: I enjoyed my first competing run (despite telling others that I dont want to run again, I MAY actually want to continue running hehe) I learn of self motivation and of to never give up easily :)

Aranda's 5 km run team with the Director, very supportive and sporting.

4th Place W under 30, 1st Place M under 40, 1st place W under 30.  All are new research officers of BT.

I think I gain a few kgs since I started working at this research institution, free food/cheap food are abundant here. Takut nak naik scale.

T.G.I Friday's

Hi blog! It has been a while since I sign in haven't I?

Written on 2/1/2012
After a few years together, this is like the first date post with pictures.
Apai will be heading back to Iraq this Saturday. Didn't expect that he will be sent back so soon but that's the nature of his work, complaining or crying wont help much, it's not that he is in any better position than I am. I really dont mind he have to be away, it's just that when he is unreachable or when his flight back keep on delaying or both, at times it can be very frustrating because I have all these stories to tell him and all these places I want us to go together, but he is just not there and not here either. It's natural for a girl/women to want affection, attention and appreciation. But some may need(want?) them more to the level of being too dependant on the bf that if it does not annoy the bf it might annoy those around her. And when I'm all mad that we lost contacted a day or so, he will have all these explanations that seem very valid and I would then fell bad for just thinking about myself without understanding what he has to go through there. But overall I think I have been a very understanding gf :P

Today, we should have went to see the elephants but thinking that it was a 3 days weekend, takut pula jam Lebuh Raya Karak otw home nanti, so we settle for the typical date we usually have, a movie, lunch and ice cream with a stop at Bukit Cahaya Seri Alam Agricultural Park, taking a ride in his new Chevrolet Cruze.

Impossible to finish when you already have a big meal, we gave up when we scoop more of caramel than its super delicious vanilla ice cream

Before I graduated, when people ask when do I plan to get married I would usually say "Before the end of 2012lah, sebab Dec 2012 orang cakap dunia akan berakhirkan?". Sometimes I enjoy being all innocent and giving away blondie-ish statements. But for now, there is still no plan for the big day. And I do hope that history will not repeat itself, when both Apai and I let other gets to us. But I dont mind people asking when my big day will be as I always ask others the same question too, hehe. But you can spot those who sincerely ask as their intention is to truly see you happy marrying the man you love and adore while others are just asking because they just need to know when and could careless about your happiness. Sometimes for both to be truly in love is just not enough , kalo dah tertulis dia bukan jodoh kita, nak wat macam mana kan? :) Do I feel jealous that some of my friends, cousins are engaged or married? Of course I do, but I'm more happy for them instead of feeling jealous of them actually. Weddings are blissful events, and when I attend one I would like to embrace that instead of thinking when, who, where, what my wedding will be like at that moment. If it is meant to be, it is meant to be. Apai is one happy guy for having a girlfriend that seldom talks about marriage, aint you sayang? :) Take care in Iraq, I'll be missing you more every single day.

Stay tune for events at the workplace! Some of the events, I really want them to be posted here, as memories.

Outdoor tour

The delays, in the end, it's really 'blurghhhh...malas nak layan', especially when it's already the third delay.

Apai's 7th week in Iraq.

Hospital Putrajaya

People, never ever miss your appointment at Hospital Putrajaya because once you do, it may take you forever to reschedule over the phone. I called on Thursday, diorang cakap diorang busy, sruh call esok petang, I called esok petang, diorang meeting..like really? Then called today, it took nearly 10 minutes to reach the person in charge. And if you are expecting the person in charge ada belas kasihan kat anda, jangan haraplah, diorang akan bagi another appointment yang jarak dia 6 bulan without even first asking how is your current condition. Even if you say that your condition is not that good, diorang akan cakap "tapi kita pun ramai lagi pesakit lain", again without asking how bad is that not good. People always say kita kena memahami mereka yang kerja hospital kerajaan ni, diorang terlalu ramai pesakit, if yes pun reschedulelah based on the severity of the pateient, not really of kekosongan slot yang ada, at least asklah the condition of the patient, tunjukkanlah sedikit keperihatinan.  The government should seriously do something about this, they really need to increase the no of doctors, so that more slot can be open, and doctors tak patut complain ok sebab dulu masa interview scholorship, mesti ramai yang cakap nak berbakti kepada masyarakat dan negara, nak membantu orang susah..soooo tunaikanlah segala janji2 manis tu.

Actually, I had already been to a few check ups at a private medical centre, it's just that, my mom wanted to get a second opinion from a public hospital and I really wanted to experience the government hospital services first hand, like is it really that bad as people say? So I'm just going to share some of my experiences and some things that I observed while I was a patient at Klinik Kesihatan Putrajaya and Hospital Putrajaya:

1) Di Klinik Kesihatan Putrajaya, lepas amek no. nak jumpe GP memang lama gler kena tunggu. Kesian sangat, not for melah, I'll do fine with a good book, tapi kepada yang anak kecil dan orang-orang dan mereka yang berkerusi roda.

2) The first doctor I met was quite attentive and funny, I like him a lot. The second doctor that I met for my medical check up untuk lantikan tu, tak check pun certain mende, simply tick je, dia tak check mata, dia tak check telinga, dia tak check nerve system by doing the test ketuk2 tu kan, tapi tick smuanya ok. And when  I said I felt uncomfortable at the left side of my lower abdomen, dia cakap tu maybe tu angin je. Kecewa betul.

3) Doktor Pakar dia ok tapi dia tak nak terima patient ramai2. Kesian ade this one mak cik tgh sakit sgt telinga dia tapi doctor tak nak jumpe, pastu orang yang jaga kaunter tu cakap, 'Kalo makcik tak tahan sangat, mak cik boleh pergi emergency room sbb kitorg tak de appoitment dalam masa terdekat untuk jmpe doctor'' Sedih sangat! Kesian pak cik dan mak cik tu, even mak cik tu nangis pun, nurse yang jaga kaunter tu wat dunno je dan wat-wat busy. Ei sangat tak berperikemanusian. Kesian mak cik dan pak cik, datang jauh2 sebab sakit tapi dilayan macam tu. Tak boleh terima betul. Mmbencikan betul orang yang jaga kaunter tu, orang tua kot, bagi jelah jumpe doctor.

4) Pastu jmpe audiologist, dia baik tapi I think dia lack pengetahuan. Dia recommended laser treatment for my tinnitus sedangkan tinnitus ni boleh je dibaikkan dengan cara lain, I know because I did my own research. And when I asked about this one treatment I read on the net, dia cakap dia tak pernah tau pun treatment tu..sedangkan it is a really common treatment for tinnitus..trus down dah tak nak percaya hospital kerajaan dah.

6) And gap from one appointment from another appointment is 4 months. My appointments at the private medical centre were every two weeks which then went to once a month. When the doctor was quite sure that I can stop my medication and all I need was enough rest, doctor pun tak schedule anymore appointments dah. Did I think the frequent appointments were necessary? Not really, but I like seeing my doctor :)

7) Then the rescheduling as cerita di atas. After I hang up the phone, well she was the one who hang up first, I made a silent prayer thay may she feels what I was feeling right now and what the mak cik di atas was feeling, may her mother or daughter miss an appointment and bila dia nak reschedule dia akan dilayan dengan cara yang sama, haaa baru dia tahu, baru dia tahu betapa sedih, kecewa dan sakitnya hati bila organisasi yang kita percaya akan jaga kita, boleh anggap kesihatan diri kita ni or of our loved ones tak berharga. But of course I continued praying that nothing bad will happen to her mother and daughterlah if she did face the situation.

If there is anything to change at the gov hospital definitely the act of 'I dont care, ko yang sakit bukan aku' di kalangan kakitangannya.

2010/2011

So it has been a year since I came back from the States, have been jumping around figuring out what I wanted to do. I must say, time flies so fast, the journey has been rewarding despite the fact I'm still jobless and studyless at the moment ;)

Yes, I've resign my post as an RA and decided to not pursue my PhD at UM, I'm half disappointed and half 'wowed' by myself. Disappointed that I had to leave my research halfway but wowed that I was brave enough to make that decision. Why you may asked,I'm not sure either, I dont know why I dont want to pursue my PhD now despite being all excited at the beginning. Maybe because suddenly I realize that..I'm not ready or I don't like the idea I'm continuing locally or I cant grasp the significance of my research or I'm not comfortable with the system in the lab or with the people I'm working with or I'm too paranoid with nematode but definitely not because of sakit seketika tu. I've lost my motivation for some reasons, but not at all I feel incapable of doing it, I just dont want it at the moment. I'm glad I tried to do it though, now I know when, what, how, where,why I want to do my PhD, IF I ever decide to do it again.

An important lesson I've learned from this pass whole year is that SOMETIMES changing your attitude is not really the solution, because at times, it is not your attitude, is it really something else...

Today we come across an individual who behaves like an automaton, who does not know or understand himself, and the only person he knows is the person that he is suppose to be, whose meaningless chatter has replaced communicative speech , whose synthetic smile has replaced genuine laughter, and whose sense of dull despair has taken place of genuine pain. Two statements may be said concerning this individual. One is that he suffers from defect of spontaneity  and individuality, which may seem to be incurable. At the same time, it may be said of him he does not differ essentially from the millions of the rest of us who walk upon this earth. 
Erich Fromm

And another valuable lesson learn is: you may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try. TRUE! But if you want to start a career a.s.a.p, you dont have all the time in the worldlah to try everything, choose wisely of chances that are worth trying.

And, prayers..well everyone already know this..they do wonders! :)

2 weeks of doing nothing :)

I think I have a problem, I'm okay with being thirsty. Weird.
Malas gler nak update blog. Normal.

Life is full of surprises. 

Anyways, semalam pergi wat medical check-up di Klinik Kesihatan Putrajaya Persint 9, received great services from every single staff. Tak faham where all the complains are coming from, and the waiting time is not that long pun, maybe because I'm only doing a medical check-up and not actually seeing a MO or a doctor, but will need to next Tuesday with yesterday test results. We'll see how next week goes.

Procedure Room 21 was in the same area as Klinik Kesihatan Ibu dan Anak (I believe that area is called that, hehe), I think it's so cute that the fathers were accompanying the mothers for their baby/child check-up. I saw a father in an army formal uniform widely smiling as his small baby boy came out form the injection room with the mother, crying softly. He took the baby from the mother, kissed him and said 'Hero anak ayah ni, tak nangis kena inject kan..' and put him snugly in his  stroller. Comel sangat the scene maybe because the father was in uniform ;) and there were so many other cute fathers, some were readings to their babies, some were looking over their small child playing some games on ipad, some were carrying their babies while their child happily playing around with their chain matrix cards. It's great when we can opt  to not make our work our priority at some time during working hours, because from 8-5 you're not only an employee, you're still a son, a daughter, a father, a mother, a sister, a brother with responsibilities.

Were you ever sick at school and your mother cannot come to your aid because of work..? Sedihkan. And I'm sure the mother is ever more heart broken. But what to do, nowadays, the believe is production is more important than family.

If you were a true leader, you would sacrifice yourself for the better of your people, no? Not like sacrifice your life but rather your need to be in power.

Kesian Melayu, menang sorak kampung tergadai.

Salam Hari Raya Aidilfitri

Selamt Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir Batin :)

Perbezaan paling ketara tahun ni: Wan tak wat lemang untuk hari raya sebab Wan sihat tapi Wan dah kurang bertenaga skit. And tahun ni rindu sangat dekat Atok and Tok Ayah. And tahun ni bagi duit raya tapi packet duit raya masih ade lagi beberapa puluh, maka jemputlah datang rumah beraya bg yang mengenali :)

I'm updating becuase I am bored

Hello peeps!

I'm down with a slight fever and a flu. I'm not taking any meds because I'm not sure which meds I should take, either ones for my so called disease or just over the counter ones, but anyways I might go to the clinic if by tomorrow I am not feeling any better. I blame the field trip to Terengganu and Pahang earlier last week that was done on the hottest week ever. We were sampling from 9 am till 9 pm. Penat. However, the field trip was quite fun, the after math of the field trip is not funlah tapi *running nose*

The last two weeks have been super stressful. Firstly, because of the PTDnya exam, the news to sit for the exam could have not come on a worse week than it was. It came on the week after my biweekly meeting with my co-supervisor, and on that biweekly meeting I received the most work ever compare to previous meetings which mean the week after kerja memang banyak baru nak start. Adding to that was another meeting with MOSTI people. So yeah 2 minggu tido tak lena memikirkan tido tanpa mengulang kaji pelajaran untuk exam tersebut..huahua. Some might get the privileged to have a day off on Friday to study but certainly not us since Friday is lab meeting day. Nasib baik exam was not as hard I thought it would be, wat penat je risau 2 minggu. Right after the exam straight away went to Malaysia-Liverpoolnya game, and I was actually half awake during the game sebab the night before stay up untuk study kan :) 3-6, it was entertaining. During the game I was like, kesiannya pemain-pemain Liverpool ni kena pergi on tour and entertain their fans, macam artist on tour for concert. And Apai was like 'Berjuta-juta kot sayang diorang kena bayar, tak perlu kesian.'

And secondly, mestilah about all those new assignments that need to be done and all the methods that need to be tested. Being underpaid ni, susah jugaklah nak wat kerja dengna rajinnya, hehe. but it is not their fault really, we are the one who should have registered ourselves as a  student and obtain our own scholarship. Once I got all my methodology to work - tissue culture, DNA extraction, RNA extraction and proteomics- to actually produce bands and spots that I want, then I'll register myself. I'm just glad I like what I am doing now despite the fact that I am being under paid for a year or so but in the long, if things go as plan, I wouldn't dare to complain. My research and I, we are seriously in a never ending love hate relationship...ahaha..but most of the time I love it :) I usually dont like it when I'm feeling and look unwell, because I cant do much and I feel useless and letting down people, I dont like to let down people, I dont like to let down myself.

And people would ask what would I do if I passed the PTD exam, which I dont have full confidence that I will, anyways..when the result is out, baru fikir, tapi I adelah berangan-angan nak kerja kt Italy kan, huahuahua, well no, it was just a thought, tak berangan-angan dengan lamanya pun, I dont like uncertainties.

And just finish gmail chat dengna Apai about yesterday game! I love the fact that he would always ask me what do I think about the game, although my comments are very amateurish, he is very supportive..hehe. I wish he could be back home before the game this Thursday.

This post is so boring I know. I dont have the mood to post about fun and interesting things because tomorrow is already Monday and Apai is away.

Cause you're the apple to my pie..

...You're the straw to my berry
You're the smoke to my high
And you're the one I wanna marry

Perfect Two - Auburn

Most of the girls I know, how bright they may be or how great the start of their career are, occasionally will say, 'You know, all I really want to be is a housewife/surirumah, taking care of the house, cook, have a wonderful relationship with the husband and be most awesome ever mother..'

I? I'm like most of the girls I know, I think..

Why?

“Dont ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." Howard Thurman

Once in a blue moon

I have Apai for a month onshore, yeay! And it's during the wedding time plak tu, so yeah no more kesedihan-sedihan di hujung minggu. Hujung minggu jelah, hari minggu macam kurang masa skit untuk rasa rindu.

Anyways, remember what Abraham Lincoln said in the previous post? Well yeah, I learn to not judge people too quickly. From now on, tak nak jadi too much of a drama queen dah ah and unprofessionally post things on the blog plak tu. It's easy to blame others but not yourself no? Aku macam bersyukur aku sedar akan hakikat tersebut, ade orang yang tak sedar-sedar.

During the weekend, I met someone and somehow that someone with just one sentence convince me to no longer have doubts on the path that I already have chosen and started. I miss the time we spent together discussing his crazy philosophy of life. I need to be self-motivated, waiting for this one sentence booster from someone else is tiringlah.

Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat. -F. Scott Fitzgerald

Why?

Why can't I be in a lab as the one that I was in the States? I dont really miss the exclusiveness of having our own equipments, the technology and the convenience that the lab have to offer, but I do miss the lab group attitude and also the feeling of 'I am safe in this lab'.

Malaysian attitude at times can really made me go 'ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!', well maybe not all but some of the people that I have to deal with everyday. And I'm afraid that one day, I will become like them.WHAT A NIGHTMARE. Patience have it limits. These people are really bringing out the darkest side of me.

But I guess,
I dont like the man. I must get to know him better. - Abraham Lincoln

Things do get better

At first I think UM hates me because all of the different incidents that happen, but now I think Allah has answered most of my wishes/prayers and UM is more welcoming. Hopefully, it will last long, but if there are bumps here and there again, I am more confident that things do get better :)

Dear Allah, thank you for the blessings. Jadikanlah aku hamba yang lebih bersyukur dan yang akan terus bersyukur. Sometimes I do forget to say Alhamdullilah.


In the end,
"Formal education will make you a living, self-education will make you a fortune."
-Jim Rohn-

Love

Romantic? You're definitely not one of those type.Still, you have to do nothing special, I fall for you effortlessly because you yourself is special, the way you make me happy by your side without trying too hard is special. Thank you for choosing me to show how special you are.

Thank you for yesterday. Ice cream always taste better with you around :)

And to all, thank you for the prayers for my recovery, feeling much more better, healthier and more positive. Semoga Allah merahmati kalian semua.